So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
