dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
