I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
