people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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