That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
