i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
