hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
