i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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