I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
