You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
