i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
These tits shall not be calmed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
