quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
