I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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