so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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