oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
