Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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