Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
