yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
