So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
