I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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