I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
