everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
