eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
