I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
