so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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