I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
