Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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