i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
