i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
