I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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