I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
