dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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