I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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