We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
