Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
