Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
