I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
