I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
