yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
