i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
