Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
