yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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