I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
