Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
