Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
