so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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