he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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