My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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