I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
