Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
