I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
