how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
