You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
