I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
