how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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