Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
4 words: hood of his car
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
